The pain is real

Have you ever felt the ache in your chest like so real? It is like being punched and squeezed incredibly as in you can not imagine that something intangible could give you that such damn pain (sometimes) more than physical wounds.

It is getting worse with the difficulty of you to take breaths in normal, you realized that the span of your breath is sort of shorter.

As the sensations slowly sneak into you, the tears simultaneously come down into your cheeks without giving you a notice earlier. You feel the pain even more, your sobbing start to get louder as you also aware that you do not want to get people’s attentions into you. Thus, you try harder to hold the tears and the sobs back that make you even more physically and emotionally hurt and sick.

You know the attacks do not recognize the place and timing to come up. They may come when you are alone in your room before bed, or out of nowhere when you are in the office, literally amidst people.

You prevent people to look at you, seeing your conditions, and asking you why, since you do not want to recall the memories anymore that could lead you into bigger emotional troubles.

Moreover, you have your pride, your ego says that you should not cry for someone that is not by your side anymore, someone that is left you behind already, and perhaps never thought of you at all.

You pity yourself for acting like a helpless woman. However, you aware the feeling is normal to happen, you don’t overly curse the situations like before. Since you know, the more you avoid it, the more time it takes for you to heal completely.

You let the pain comes when the timing gets in, yet you also let the bliss steps into your heart when the moments come over. You do not refuse any situations like before, you let it flow with the total efforts not to ruin the situations even more by denying it.